My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
