so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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