then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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