she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
