i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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