im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
