I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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