having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
