That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize