I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
