I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
