do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
