I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
