would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
