I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
