ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
