I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
