WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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