Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
