The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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