please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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