Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
