I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
