Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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