If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
