I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
