woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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