I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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