margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
