i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
