I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
