I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
worst night to have a conscience
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
