Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
