Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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