the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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