bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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