you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
