I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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