I hope mine doesn't look like that
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
