Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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