go do what you do best...puke behind churches
one two three fourrrrnication!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
