She announced her abortion via fbk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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