she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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