If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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