you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
