so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
