I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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