my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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