Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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