a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
