someone threw a dead crab at me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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