Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
