Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
