I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
