yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
