I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
