You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize