This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
