Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
