you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize