my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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