I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
