I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
