I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
